Mixed emotions... Sooo many emotions

I feel like I could write a wall of text today... SO much is going on and I feel like I can't tell anyone about it. The feeling you get when you either feel like people don't want to know or that you shouldn't tell people. It's such a weird feeling. You feel happy and sad... Both together, as if they were hugging. Yup, that sounds weird.

So anyways, everything is going well. Lots of recent changes in my life. Honestly, the past week has been filled with surprises and weirdness. I like surprises... and I like weirdness, so that's good. First, business is going really well and keeping me super busy. It's pretty busy and there are A LOT of trades going on right now... That means a lot of transactions and many opportunities for me to mess up, which is bad, very bad. I'm trying to focus the best I can, trying to work on it when the kids are napping and when they aren't too demanding but it's not the ideal situation... Also, I recently realized that one of the problems of dealing with foreign countries is Holidays...  I'll most likely not be home for thanksgiving and it kind of gets to me. I want the best of both worlds and I know I spend all day with Stephen and the kids, but there is something special about being able to have ALL your family together, and I believe that I won't be there and that it's non-negotiable... Sacrifices. When asked to describe how I felt about business in one picture, this is what I sent one of my friends... I feel like biting my foot off lol.

Then, I recently had two people contact me within hours of each other... One if an old friend whom got busy with work and studying. He's doing great, very successful, I was really happy to hear from him. The second one is someone who swore he'd be out of my life. Yeah, it doesn't sound good said that way huh? We both knew we were kidding ourselves though, and we both knew it was coming. So I gave him space, and now he seems to be fine and definitely in a happier place than where he was a few months ago. I know he's found of the saying "If you love someone, let him go, if he comes back, it's yours." Well, he's back, can I claim him as mine now? I guess! Seriously, I'm really happy that he is feeling better and that he decided to keep me in his life. When we talk to each other (which is practically all the time now, because bad habits are hard to kill!) he really sounds happy... It makes me really really really happy. I'm definitely repeating myself... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad he's back in my life and that it feels like we never stopped talking. We just... didn't lose anything. He's easy to talk to I guess... BUT (because there is always a but) it's still a stressful situation for many reasons. Hopefully we'll get through that soon.

Finally (and most importantly), I'm a huge mess today because it's Noah's birthday tomorrow. Crap... I remember starting this blog when I was 5 WEEKS PREGNANT. He's about to turn 3... My baby boy is going to be 3. It sort of hit me like a train. He'll never be one again... Or two... Those times are gone, and we have no choice than to go ahead and move forward. I worry SO much. I want to give him so much, I do my best every day to be the best mom for him, I bring him to places I know he would love, I drag him to places I know he'll hate... I care about him 24/7 and I love him more than I can even imagine. It's so hard to believe that he has his own personality, that he is learning stuff on his own, that he watches and mimics... It's amazing. Oh god... My baby is going to be 3... I don't know how Stephen finds it so normal and rational... He tells me "well, you complained for 9 months that you couldn't wait to see him and that you wanted him out, and now you're complaining that he's growing... Make up your mind. Oh hunny... You don't understand women, specially not moms ;) But I love you... I really do. Thank you for being that amazing dad to a 3 year old challenging toddler... Thanks for teaching him terms like excavator and rocks... and all that stuff you're passionate about. *tears* actually, thanks for showing him what passion is... I think that covers it.

Oh!!!! And yesterday I received an overseas package... It felt so heartwarming to receive that package R. Thank you so much, all that you got me is beautiful and I feel so blessed to have people like you in my life. I know you're far away and I'm writing this while looking outside and watching birds flying around and hanging around our bird feeder and I wish that you were either here or that I was there... Really, thank you, the bracelet is BEAUTIFUL you picked all of my favorite colors without even noticing. I know you've said that in your letter, but yeah sending a package to Canada must have bought back nice memories, I'm glad you decided to. xoxo