Tips to parent two children close together

My husband was 22 and I was 21 when we had our first baby. He was planned, waited and wished for and when he was born we were happy but also overwhelmed. We were under the impression that babies were cute and sleepy. We got a perfect baby that was cute but absolutely not sleepy and very colicky. It was hard. Then when I was 3 months postpartum, we learned that I was expecting again. Ha! Well, that one wasn't planned. I remember crying out of fear when the two lines showed up on the test. TWO babies? TWO newborns? How were we going to make it? I’m still not exactly sure how we made it work, but we did… And time flies by so I really don’t know how exactly we made it alive, but we did and here are some tips we remember that hopefully can help a couple of you.

0-6 months of the newborn

•           Have meals ready for you and for your children. We always kept frozen pizzas, tons of pasta and sauce, hams, ready to cook rice and tuna cans. When we were short on groceries or on time we’d easily make a meal out of any of the previous ingredients. You’re looking for something quick and healthy.
•          It can be overwhelming to nurse or give the bottle to a newborn with another newborn/young toddler around. My trick was to read my eldest a story during feeding times. It worked great for us. I’m going to guess any short activity will do the trick. I also tandem nursed sometimes and if you have the chance to experience it, I highly recommend it.
•           If you have two children close together and are at home with them, chances are they will both need to nap. So try and synchronize their naps. While they sleep, please grab some sleep. If you have to work, when you come back home, try and nap for just 30 minutes if you feel very tired.
•           Buy a baby wrap. Wear your babies. I know not everyone (and every baby) likes it but there will come days where you will NEED to clean, cook, go out and that your baby will not want to be put down. So you can either effectuate your chore while hearing your baby cry or wear your baby and do it. I personally loved to carry my babies and so did my husband. I actually still wear them (18 months and 30months!)
•         Remember that your eldest is still very young. When I held my 7 lbs newborn it I felt like my 17 lbs baby was so big. I often expected more of him because he was older but really, he was not even 12 months yet. I had to constantly remind myself that I had two babies, that they both needed attention and that they both needed patience.
•           Start watching a TV show. Pick a TV show you think you’d like and purchase it. When baby wakes up at 2 or 3 am for an hour, put on the show while walking, nursing or rocking your baby to sleep. This was the highlights of my night; honestly, I almost wanted to wake up to watch the show. It was also the only way I wouldn't fall asleep while putting my kid back to bed, so there.

6-12 months

•           Have a playroom or a baby proof room. We sacrificed out living room in order to have peace of mind. We put play mats all over the floor, took off all sharp edges and made it impossible for a baby to get hurt. So when our youngest started to crawl, she could play with her brother in the playroom and not hurt herself mommy would do chores or run around the house.
•           Start to socialize if you haven’t already. You know, get to know other families in your neighborhood and do some activities with them. No one really wants to go out with two very young children (dressing, thinking ahead, crisis) but the more you do it, the more they get used to it and the easier it gets in the long run.
•          Get them on a synchronized routine. Until the 7^th or 8^th month it was hard to get my two kids on the same routine. My youngest used to get tired more often, my eldest wanted to eat less often, etc. When my youngest was 7 months, it started balancing out and I was able to get them on the same routine.
•           Survive. No kidding, months 6-12 were almost as difficult as months 0-6. I was running on coffee and chips (grabbed here and there). My husband and I barely got any time just for us. When one kid would be in bed, the other one would wake up… It gets better, hang in there.

12-18 months

•         Encourage your children to play together. We try to buy toys we know both children will like. We don’t try to go for what my eldest like and what my youngest like, we just generalize it.
•         Let your kids argue and fight (nicely). The first few weeks (or months) that my daughter grabbed my son’s toys he would freak out. He would yell at her, cry and have a tantrum. Soon enough he realized that he had to share with his sister and kind of let it go. He will be protective of some toys but most toys he will share.
•           Have fun with them. At this age, they are full of imagination; they will participate in any activity you get them into. They are also not old enough to play strategic games that require a lot of understanding. Puzzles, painting, drawing, play doh and blocs work perfectly for us.
•           Let them be independent and make mistakes. Let them eat on their own with forks and spoons, let them get dressed alone, let them brush their teeth. Yes, you’ll have to redo it and yes you’ll have to clean up a lot but in the end they will be more independent.
•           Don’t underestimate them. At that age they grow very fast. What they cannot do one day they might be able to do the next day. So keep trying, don’t assume they couldn't do it a while ago so they won’t be able to do it now.

So far these are the outlines of how we survive. A year ago, my children were 7 months and 18 months. I wanted to pull my hair out. I never thought I would sleep a full night (I still don’t by the way) and I really couldn't even imagine writing a text this long without my children needing me. Things definitely get better and easier. It’s going to get better and don’t forget to enjoy these years, they go by so fast.