I was having a somewhat heated phone conversation with an “experienced” mother of three. She’s been a mom for other 20 years; she has an adult, a teenager and a pre-teen. Hell, she’s old enough to almost be my mom. At a certain point she shouted at me that I was a P.I.T. (parent in training). She said it in a negative tone… as if it was a bad and not acceptable thing. When I asked her why she thought that of me, she simply replied that I had no idea what I was doing with my children.
I must admit I didn't take it that well at first. The protective parental side of me came out… What does she mean, I’m a P.I.T?? Then, when my husband noticed my mood was off, he asked me what was going on… I told him and he just replied “well of course you are.” Excuse me? He continued “So am I… And so is any parent who actually cares about their children.” Hmmm…
He’s pretty right. How the hell are you supposed to “know” how exactly to raise your child? When exactly are you done your training? Do you get a parent certificate and get to be a “good, cool” parent? Being a parent is so much more than reading a textbook and applying what you've read. I remember reading so many books about babies when I was pregnant and then my son was born and I was literally thrown into the field. I had a colicky baby and everything I read about nursing, sleeping, peaceful babies, forget it! The first weeks were rough, but it got better as we started to figure out what to do and how to do it… Did we know what we were getting into the first time around? No way! Did we do a bad job at it? I don’t think so, we did pretty well… He’s two, breathing and healthy… oh and he’s happy!
The second time I got pregnant, we thought we knew what to expect… Sleepless nights, hard time nursing, post postpartum blues… Boy were we wrong. Our daughter was the sweetest baby ever! We had less of a hard time taking care of a newborn and a toddler (they are 11 months a part) than having my son alone. Did we know what we were doing with my daughter? Yeah, we had more of a clue… but in the end… not really. We still had to develop our own tricks to make her fall asleep, to get her to nurse better and to bath her without tears. All this to say that, what makes you a good parent is how you approach every situation your child gets into and how you deal with it. Age, race, finances are all factors that can influence your parenting style but in the end, it’s the way you treat your children and meet them halfway that determines who you are as a parent. Honestly, being a good parent is not something you obtain. It’s something you work for every day. Even if some days we fail, the beauty of being a parent is that sometimes you fail but you can always try again, try a different way, a different method and make it better. It’s actually kind of like a strategy game mixed with a luck game… You can have it all planned out but be out of luck (ex. Bringing a new toy you know your toddler will love to the restaurant so that he behaves BUT end up with an over tired toddler that just doesn't care) or you can have luck but no strategy (ex. Have a toddler in a great mood but you forgot to bring their snack). In either situation, either you find an alternative or you’re in for a bad time.
So, for you parents who wonder if they are doing a good parenting job; if you are questioning yourself , if you are constantly trying to stimulate your children mentally and physically and if your children are usually happy, you are doing exactly what’s expected of you. Keep on the good job.
If you are an “experienced” parent who is at the point that knows they have done mistakes but have it figured out, well thank you. Thank you for being an example to less experienced parents. Without realizing it, you give us hope and courage to keep going. Seeing your polite teenagers, seeing how your sons and daughters are honest encourages us. Don’t hesitate to be honest about how hard some stuff was and how you got over it.
Hopefully this gives you guys some insight on parents in training… I’m glad to be one.
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