I was sitting in a dark-ish room with a big round table. I was sitting in the middle, I looked great... I was wearing that purple silk blouse, my hair was all done, I was smiling and happy. Stephen was at my right, my best friend V was at my left, in front of me was another friend A with his girlfriend, on the right corner there was another friend S and his girlfriend and on the left corner were my friends A and V playing cards. We were having a good time. I was mainly observing and laughing, Stephen was holding my hand and laughing too, V was on her phone... S and his girlfriend were flirting, A and his girlfriend were talking to us... A and V were just playing cards. So anyways, the door of the room was open and my phone rang. Before I could answer a friend R comes in and the room goes quiet. All he says is "Carlinha" and reaches out for my hand. I look at him and by the time I'm about to say something he's gone. I remember becoming anxious but the the feeling was soon replaced with laughter and feeling good. R would pop up here in there in the room. There were a lot of places around the table to sit but he would stand up, remain quiet and disappear soon after. He perhaps showed up and disappeared a good 4-5 times... I even whispered to Stephen "he's lost... I can't grab his hand, he's on his own." I Looked at him and it kind of became very vague as a dream... I can't really recall the rest.
Now, let's interpret that... I don't wear purple that much and certainly not silk, but it's a royal color, so I assume I was the center of the attention there, as if it was my table, my group of close friends... Stephen is really my right arm, V, she's always there also. Then there are friends in front of me, I see them all, I see what they're all doing. Everyone is having a good time, I'm even letting in significant others that I don't know all that much, but I don't seem to mind at all. Then when R shows up, it's anxiety taking over, which is substituted by forgetting about it and think about something else. The thing is... you shouldn't get anxious when friends contact you, however R only seems to contact me when he needs help or when he's in trouble... When his life is turned around. I guess I associate him reaching out as something bad or drama entering my life. Then, as my friends know, he's in and out of my life... He hasn't stayed in my life for longer than a few months without us stopping to talk but he's never really absent. As I said, he reaches out when he needs help. So him just saying my name makes me think he needs me but then he just...goes. I really am a person that is always ready to help, but I cannot help people who refuse to be helped or who don't stick around to get the help they need. I guess he doesn't really...need my help, he just doesn't want to go. He wanders around, doesn't talk to anyone, doesn't sit... As if I'm resilient to introduce him or tell him to sit. Finally, Stephen's words just did it... he's lost, I can't help him... He's a grown up, he needs to do it on his own, I'm not a convenience that is around when he needs it.
I don't need friends like that... I don't have time or energy to handle someone I will never be able to help and whom will just hang around when he needs me and leave when he's fine. I'm not getting anything out of it... My friends aren't getting anything out of it, my family isn't... Why are you around? I think it's time for R to go towards the door in my dream and to close it behind him. I'm no longer worried that he needs me, I know he doesn't.
Lesson; listen to your dreams and to your subconscious ;)
